1. Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.
2. The older you get, the stronger the wind gets and it’s always in your face.
3. Respect old people. They graduated from high school without Google or Wikipedia.
4. You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
5. The older you get, the more you appreciate being at home doing absolutely nothing.
6. You know you’re getting old when you start to forget things, like what you had for breakfast… or if you had breakfast at all.
7. When you’re young, you dream about conquering the world. When you’re old, you just hope you can conquer the stairs.
8. In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.
9. The older you get, the more you realize that you don’t need a lot of friends, just a few good ones… who can help you get up off the floor.
10. The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.
11. It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
12. The older you get, the more you realize that you don’t have to impress anyone, except maybe your doctor.
13. You know you’re getting old when you start taking naps during movies.
14. You know you’re getting old when your idea of a wild night is staying up past 9 pm.
15. I’m not aging, I’m just becoming a classic.
16. The older you get, the more you realize that your bucket list is just a list of things you don’t want to do anymore.
17. Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.
18. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
19. You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
20. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
